ROOTS by Genise Ford
No one ever tells you one of the biggest challenges of being an expat is managing the expectations of friends and family back home. Returning to visit means navigating stressful demands on your time that only those who live abroad can truly understand. You find yourself counting days and weighing your time trying to ensure you’re being “fair,” all while managing the costs of travel, being away from your daily routines, and packing for a family trip lasting over a month. Phrases like “we have a life too” come from friends and family not willing to travel miles to your thousands, they can’t see the irony in the statement. The guilt trips can be relentless, with comments like, “Being my maid of honor didn’t mean anything to you,” or “We see where we are on your priority list” failing to acknowledge that the effort and expense of traveling are mutual. Yet, how many times have they come to see you across the pond?
Friends argue about why you haven’t visited them when you’ve seen others, and parents compete over who received more of your time. This tug-of-war over your attention can make you question whether it’s worth coming home at all, making staying away seem like an easier option.
Yet, despite the frustration and stress, you continue to return because your life is your own responsibility and maintaining your connections IS important. You push through the negativity and remind yourself that their frustration stems from love and a limited perspective on your broader world. Keeping your roots means enduring the passive-aggressive comments with grace and responding with love and kindness.
It's no easy feat—there will be hurt and anger. But nurturing these relationships is important for you, your spouse and your children. Ultimately, our lives and those of our children are our responsibility, and maintaining our roots is crucial especially for our third culture kids.
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